Generation Gap

We always fight like mad. I with the wisdom of ages, or rather ‘age’ and my daughter with the unmistakable, self righteous and energetic know how of the youth. I am 50. She is barely 18. But we fight like we are both prime fighting bulls from Spain. We fight like politicians, who start the most primitive cursing of the opponents the moment they see a camera. But our language is polished. My command of Marathi is a  gift of growing up in the mystical land of Sadashiv Peth. For the ignorant, ‘Sadashiv Peth’ is about 1 km [north-south] x 1.5 km [east-west] piece of land, stretching from Bajirao Road in the east to Alka cinema in the west and Laxmi Road in the north to Tilak Road in the south, in the dead center of the  great city of Pune. Or rather the people from Sadashiv Peth have decided that Sadashiv Peth is the center of Pune, it means the same. It has about 6 small lanes north –south and about 5 east –west. But in those small lanes lies the wisdom of the world, or so the people staying there have decided. Actually like true Udupis or true Bengalis, the true Sadashiv Pethis [as the great people from Sadashiv Peth are called], no more stay in Sadashiv Peth. But they are spread around the world for instance in places like Kothrud and east coast of US of A, and California. Why some are even found in Australia and New Zealand. But wherever they go they proudly remain Sadashiv Pethis. So to cut a long story short, I am a true Sadashiv Pethi, now staying in Kothrud. My young helpless daughter is unfortunately not a Sadashiv Pethi, as she is not born there. Yes that is a pre-condition. But like all the kids of proud Marathi Sadashiv Pethi’s, she is educated in an English medium school and scorns at the ignorant older generation of us, the wisest of the wise people. 

Normally we do not need any topic to choose. Any current affair is ok because we are sure that we would end up at the opposite ends. And we can argue beautifully, I in my impeccable Marathi and she in her accented English. See we can crack jokes, be polite and at the same time be very bitchy and sarcastic, how entertaining. On some rare occasions we suddenly realize that we are on the same side. It is a very awkward moment, like sitting on the same side of a see-saw. That time we choose the easiest target. It is usually…… don’t guess. Life is more precious than writing. 

But today it is a bit unusual. Means the fight is usual but the sides are unusual. The debate is Talvar. Yes the famous Talvar case and the movie. Many unusual things are happening. There is this old case of Arushi Talvar, which had grabbed the headlines a few years back. I am not giving you the gruesome details because it is difficult to even write down them and anyway we all know them. Initially the servants were suspects, were even arrested. But later the needle turned to the parents. The parents are very affluent, are both dentists, from high society in Delhi, play golf, that kind of family. That was the reason the case was a media delight for so many weeks. But eventually the parents were arrested, convicted and are now behind bars, I think in for life term. Off course they have appealed in higher courts and the case is not yet over. And now a new young director Meghna Gulzar has made a film. I have not seen the film.  I see only about 5% of the films released. But I normally not argue without finding out more about the counterviews. In this case I have just read one review and decided. But for me there was nothing much to decide. I am convinced that the father is the killer. The mother like a true pativrata nari, has aided her husband. I have seen this in their eyes. But the film I think tries to portray a different picture. Meghna wants to say that the parents are innocent and framed. Possibly the servants are the murderers. Now this is expected in a way because how can you a create a controversy unless you go against the accepted wisdom. Actually Meghna has a soft corner in my heart, only because she is Gulzar’s daughter. I have not seen any of her film, but she is Gulzar’s daughter yaar, and Gulzar does not do any non sense. Sure she has learned same values from him. And her choice of side is surprising, because film stories are more likely to take servant’s side, because it is more romantic. So the fight is now clear to you. My daughter is convinced that the parents are innocent, they are framed and I am sure that the parents are culprits. And she has seen the film. And not only that, after seeing the film she has read about the case, and now she is doubly sure of what she is saying. 

There is more to why this is unusual. Normally my young firebrand daughter would be against any authorities, it’s by nature, in youth you are always communist. So affluent parents, who also appear very cool and collected and easily converse in hi-bro English during the entire media coverage should naturally appear enemy no 1 to her. And helpless servants who cannot even speak proper Hindi, should logically appear as the victims of the system- scapegoats because the police has to show some success when media is shouting day & night- and  she should empathise with them. But no, she sees the movie, reads the case history and decides that the affluent, cold blooded parents are actually victims. Really unusual, don’t you think? 

But I take this as a mere manifestation of the generation gap. When I want to go east, she will naturally decide west and we will start arguing. If I had said the parents are actually innocent and framed by the previous government, she would have jumped at the opportunity to defend the poor servants. Now I have taken the opposite stand, so naturally she is on the other end. Please don’t ask me who started the argument. If it appears that actually I was the culprit in starting the debate, then she must have silently done something. I am naturally innocent and right you know. 

 What’s a generation gap? Normally it is considered to be youth’s opposition to almost every thought, action or suggestion made by the elders or rather it is actually the other way round. The youth wants to take risks, the experienced elders know or think they know the pitfalls and want to stop youth from taking those risks. Youth is against rule, authority, and discipline and the older generation itself is the authority. And do the older generation really worry about the suffering the youth may face? Or they are worried about losing their authority? Are they worried that the kid which used to sit on our lap a few years back is suddenly grown up not only in size but also in wisdom and if left free in the world will surely find out how the elders have fared so miserably in their life? What they call wisdom is really the culmination of failed attempts or failure due to half hearted attempts. And what they call success is also a result of many compromises. I know it’s very easy to be bold when you write and very difficult when your kid confronts you and you actually have to take a stand. In the end it’s actually a struggle between your enthusiasm, your eagerness to explore the world, take new experiences, travel the uncharted territories maybe of the physical nature or of the mental realm and your fear of what will be there when you open the curtain. Fear that your kid will be able to cope up with the unseen unknown and will know that her father did not have these guts. So generation gap is actually a struggle with your own self, only the youth manifests the eager persona. 

When you view with this angle you’ll realize why generation gap was there 2000 years back and will be there 2000 years in future. Those who can avoid it are great exceptions because they never shied away from their curiosities and based their convictions on their own experiences. But the remaining 99% middle class families will face this generation gap in one form or other. The rich may not face it because may be the freedom is more with plenty of money thrown in and in the poor families it’s mostly struggle for survival, so again there is lot of freedom, freedom by compulsion, and simply no money. 

Coming back to our argument on Talvar, she has again urged me to see the movie. I don’t know, will seeing the movie change my opinion? Am I open to this change……….? Isn’t it always the question? Do I have the flexibility of mind to think with a different perspective and modify/ change my views if they are found to be wrong? 

Like everyone else I am also on numerous whatsapp groups. One of the favourite pastimes on these groups is nostalgia. Naturally when it’s a school friends group, occasional remembering of old fun, beating, jokes is worthwhile, makes you really smile, because this was real and really shared by the group. But when there are general posts like ‘oh those carefree days, when we played with marbles, swam in the well, ate tamarind’ are really silly. They are as silly as daily good morning posts with some supposedly catchy thoughts. Even in very old days, if your Guru started telling you one ‘Good Thought’ every one of the 365 days, you would have probably ran away or started clapping the moment he opened his mouth or if really action oriented you would have put a non poisonous snake in his bed so that he is dumbstruck by terror. A good Guru possibly told some 10 really great thoughts in his lifetime. Similarly nostalgia is good for a few occasions in a year. I am a Modi fan and BJP voter, I firmly believe India was great in the past, the greatest nation on earth and I am a proud Indian, but if I am not realistic about where India stands today and if I don’t strive to make it a better place, it’s like the same silly nostalgia. 

Were the old days all fun? Were we all very hardworking, brilliant, studious, health conscious, disciplined, honest, courageous, frugal spenders, careful savers, loving sons or daughters, patriots, socially conscious, polite etc. etc.? I believe each one of us was one at some moments in history, he remembers those occasions, that is nostalgia. But what about all other occasions when we were lazy, stupid, unfocused, unhealthy, dishonest, timid, big spenders, insulted our parents, engaged in corruption, haters of society, loudmouths etc. etc.  This is kept hidden in some remote file in our brain. And we want to remain frozen in that mental time zone. So while we would travel at the speed of 120 km/hr on expressway in an AC car or Bus, we would reminisce about old Pune Mumbai travel. I know, I have travelled in a passenger train from Pune to Mumbai in the night, standing throughout because everyone else was standing, sweating profusely and taking in all the possible smells and dirt, the journey taking 8 hours. 

This selective nostalgia is dishonesty of such an order that you yourself would not believe that you’re dishonest, it has almost reached the core. And this dishonesty fuels the generation gap. 

Is it then really generation gap? Or is it the gap between generation and degeneration? It’s almost like a Modi style punch line. But forget it. You get my drift. So old guys and girls…. no I am not going to preach, just think your own thoughts and decide.